Would you believe that my oldest child is having her senior prom tonight…but she is not going. Although I have waited for the past 17 years to go shopping for her prom dress, shoes and jewelry, to hire a make up artist, to help her in the selection of her prom date, and to go all out paparazzi style in my photos of her, those experiences will pass me and her by since she decided not to go at all. So, I will have no pictures and no memories of this once in a lifetime event. I was really disappointed at first, but then I had to realize something that every parent must realize: Your child is NOT you. Sure, they have some of your qualities and attributes, but ultimately they are their own person. And the older and more independent they get, the more you will see that. Socially, my daughter tends to be more like my husband (who only agreed to go to his senoir prom 2 weeks beforehand after his friends pulled everything together for him). I am quite to the opposite. I was the social butterfly in both high school and college, and I still enjoy being social today. I was active in anything that involved social activities. I would not even think of missing a party, not to mention any of my once in a lifetime senior year moments, especially PROM! But again, my daughter is NOT me. I have to constantly remember not to put MY expectations on HER. I must give her space to fully be who God created her to be.
Every parent has or will walk down this road. We want things for our kids that they may not want for themselves. Many of us have our own set of expectations for their lives. If we played basketball as a child, we get disappointed if our child is not the least bit interested in sports. If we excelled academically in school, we certainly expect our kids to do the same. Most of us already have expectations that our kids will get married and have grandkids for us to love. What if our kids decide to remain single and never have kids? DISAPPOINTMENT! I know my situation just involves a prom (Yes, I can be a bit of a DRAMA MAMA). In the grand scheme of things, SO WHAT, right? It’s not like my daughter is bringing any dishonor to our family by not attending the prom. She is a great kid that does not cause us any trouble at all. I am very proud to be her mom, even though I am a no prom mom. Plus, I have two younger kids, (daughter and a son). I just may get my chance to be a prom mom someday after all! (Keeping hope ALIVE).
P.S. -YES, my daughter ok’d this blog post. 🙂
Supermomdecoded Tip: Our kids won’t always be or do what WE think they should be or do. Stop tripping! Commit to love them anyway. Give them space to be who THEY are, not who YOU want them to be.
I love love love this!!! I didn’t go to my prom either and guess what I’m 36 and don’t regret my choice. At that time I just thought everyone place to much pressure on this one dance and for me any chance for me to be different than everyone else was more than likely the route I was going.. I am very social however this one event just was not something I desired to do so Good For Your Daughter for choosing what’s best for her & Good for you too Mom!!!
(By the way my very quiet layed back husband went to four proms and says he remembers much to nothing about either but taking picture lol he went to enough for me & our three girls)
Thanks Nakita. I went to 2 proms and honestly, if it were not for the pictures I would not have even remembered going! 🙂
Thank you so much for this blog post. Although my child is way past prom years, I needed to hear this. Our children are NOT us and we do need to allow them to be exactly who God created them to be–NOT the cookie-cutter people we’d love to design.
Often when I am disappointed as a parent, the Lord lovingly reminds me of the mistakes and poor choices I made in life that surely disappointed my parents and Him. Just as He was able to bring about His plan and purpose for me, “despite” my errors, He can and most definitely will do the same thing for my children.
Again, thank you so much for sharing your life’s wisdom with the world. God bless you 🙂
Yes. We have to learn that God gives each person their own unique purpose and our children will not do or be what we want them to be, they will be greater and do great things!!! The prom is so over-rated, I didn’t go but my daughters both went to their junior proms.. I just was excited to graduate and be out of high school. LOL